Everyone needs a little inspiration...

An ongoing series of informational entries

HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME?!  A guide for anyone who wants to be in a loving relationship…

December 6, 2016

As I was running errands this morning I called a friend of mine. We have known each other for 30+ years. This is someone who has professed his love for me numerous times over the years, but we were always in a different place in our lives that didn’t align with one another. Until a year ago, I got divorced and he had broken up with his girlfriend the year before that.

Finally, it’s our time!!! Or so we thought. I say “we” because it takes two make it “our time”. I am finding that trying to get this relationship started to be, difficult.

When I work with clients regarding their relationships, they tell me that they want to be in a relationship, they want to be happy in that relationships, but they are unsatisfied for various reasons.

When someone professes their love to another, be it a man to a woman or a woman to man or man to a man or a woman to a woman, the person professing their love should be backing up their words with action.

So what does this mean?

First, ask yourself this, do you truly want to be in a relationship with the other person? If you answered, yes, hang on…I will jump back to you in a minute. If not, move on; stop wasting your time and the other person’s time. There is someone else out there for you. And you might want to stick around to learn what you should be doing.

Okay, so you want to be with this person. It doesn’t matter how close or how far away you live from this person. “Actions speak louder than words”. I bet you have heard that saying before.

So what do you do? What you do is, get out of your own way. What this means is all those things that you believe in when it comes to relationships, throw them out the window. The relationship you had with the last person you dated is not going to work with the new person.

Before jumping feet first into the new relationship take a step back and re-evaluate you past relationships. Ask yourself these questions: 

  • Why didn’t the relationship work out?
  • What did you enjoy about the relationship?
  • What was or is your perception of a loving relationship?
  • What weren’t you doing that you should have been doing to keep that relationship moving forward or what wasn’t the other person doing to keep the relationship moving forward?
  • What did the other person do that made you lose interest or what did you do that the other person lost interest?

Hmm…Still need clarity?

Our beliefs or expectations that a relationship or the person we are dating or marrying needs to be a certain way can interfere with our having a wonderful, fulfilling relationship.

So how do two people work together in order to have a loving, wonderful and fulfilling relationship?

Communicate. Talk about your beliefs and expectations.

Understand. Try to understand your partner’s beliefs and expectations.

Challenge. No one says you have to agree on those beliefs and expectations…challenge them.

Observe. Watch your partner facial expressions, body language and what they trying to say.

Listen. Turn the television off, put the phone down, focus on your partner and really hear what they are saying.

Prioritize. Sometimes you have to decide which is more important…your needs or your partner needs.

It is up to you…you can make or break your relationships if you don’t take the time to really care about the person you are in a relationship with.  

DREAM JOB COME MY WAY…How to find your dream job.

November 1, 2016

Do you hate your job? Do you love your job but lost your enthusiasm about the company that you work for? Do you feel unfulfilled with your career? Are you tired of rubbing the magic lamp wishing for your dream job?

There are many reasons why we are unsatisfied about our jobs. If you look at the three questions at the beginning, the most important factor is not the job or the company or the career…it’s you. How do you feel about you?

Human Resource Professionals know that a typically employee change jobs, and sometimes companies after 3 years. Why is that?

In my experience with working with individuals looking for a new opportunity it boils down to satisfaction. Sure, there are always the ones who are looking for more money. Nothing wrong with that. We all have bills to pay and need money to support our interests, etc. There are those who are looking to lead other employees and there are some who truly want to help their clients, but feel they are being held back by their company’s “rules”. And there are many more reasons.

I don’t know about you, but I often hear people say they are looking for their dream job. Have you ever wondered how to find your dream job?

As the genie of your dream job, here is a starting point…

First, make a list of all the things that you like to do that makes you happy. Compare that list with what you are doing now. Does any of it align?

Second, think about yourself and who you are. Make a list of those descriptive words that describe you. Do you find yourself in your current job?

Third, take some time to think about your education, past jobs, hobbies, interests and what you are passionate about. Do any jobs come to mind that you can take everything you have learned, the things that you like to do and what you are passionate about?

As you think about who you are, what you enjoy doing and what makes you happy…think about what jobs come to mind. It could be a job working for someone else or it could be something entrepreneurial.

Educate yourself on those various jobs that came to mind and the companies who hire for those positions. If you are looking to get entrepreneurial, Goggle your area to see if there are people doing what it is that you want to do. See if you can schedule a time to interview them about what it is like to do what they do.

Start rubbing that magic lamp to discover what will make you happy and what your dream job is.

When You Fall Off Your Bike…Get Back On It and Start Peddling

October 10, 2016

It all started with the ending of my marriage of twelve years. I fell off the bike and made the conscious decision to get right back on it and start peddling. I haven’t stopped peddling and I haven’t looked back once.

People have asked me how I was able to get back on the bike so quickly. My reply has always been and will always be, “I understand what happened, forgave everyone involved and got on with my life.” Sounds easy doesn’t it? I am hear to tell you that it is easy and your journey gets better, but you have to want it and you have to believe that it will happen. You can survive and will come out better than ever.

The first step in getting back on your bike is figuring out what happened. When our marriage is failing we tend to accuse the other person, unless you are like me and didn’t see it coming. Even if you are like me, you can still look back and pinpoint when things started to fail. So let’s look at the blame game. And it is a game because it seems to go back and forth. When trying to figure out what happened, as hard as it can be for you, take a look at what your spouse is accusing you of. An example of this, my second husband would tell me that I snap at him. Who me!?! Yes me. We had a small child who wasn’t sleeping through the night so I was existing on 3 to 4 hours of sleep every day. I was in a mental fog and usually busy with our son, working, cooking, cleaning…and I realized that my husband would just start asking me questions while I was in the middle of doing something. So he caught me off guard and to him, it probably seemed like I was snapping. Well, by the time I realized this it was too late for us, even after explaining it to him.

In looking back at my first marriage, I realized that it wasn’t anything either one of us did. It was our work life. I worked 7:00a till 5:00p and he worked 3:00p till 11:00p. My ex was asleep when I was going to work and not home when I got home from work. When he got home from work, I was asleep. It also didn’t help that he worked six days on, three days and the days rotated. Sometimes we had 3 days off together and other times we had 1 day off together. We also end up wanting different things. I wanted the house and two kids. He wanted to be able to pick up and move if he wanted to. Basically, his wants as a couple changed and he didn’t share it with me. But that’s okay, it happens.

With looking back at our marriage, I was able to see what happened and there were other things that added to breakdown of our marriage, all career related. Once I saw everything for what it was, I was able to forgive…even myself. We just wanted different things, our careers took us on different paths and we just maintained our relationship “as is.” It’s okay. My first marriage taught me about faith, commitment and working together towards a common goal.

Once I was able to understand and forgive I moved on. Slow at first and then fast. Going through a divorce can be easy and painless or it can be hard and exhausting. Lucky for me it was easy and painless. Even though, I took it slow afterwards. I took a lot of time for myself…I started working out, taking walks, listened to music, developed friendships and focused on my career, even traveled for my job. But be for warned, not everything is going to go smoothly after a divorce…it could for some, but for others it may not. During this whole process of moving on, I lost my job four months after my divorce. But that didn’t stop me from peddling on. Nope, if fact, it propelled me into doing something I have always wanted to do, be my own boss, so to speak. It gave me time to start going out and meeting people. About seven months in I started dating and having fun.

When you peddle on, it’s about you. This is the time to look at what you want, what are your goals and desires, and how you are going to get there.

If you fall off your bike, dust yourself off; get right back on and start peddling.

How to Find Time for Yourself

November 6, 2020

Are you feeling overwhelmed? Has your day gotten by you without you knowing it, you didn't get a chance to do the things that you have been wanting to do for days now, maybe even months or how about years?

You feel like you have lost yourself or at least a part of yourself?

You are not alone. Whether you are single, a single parent or married with children or without, we have all been there when there just isn't enough time in the day for us.

So how do you find “me time” or should I say make “me time”?

First, and foremost, if you are in a relationship let them know that you need time for yourself. Don’t be surprised if you struggle with telling your significant other this. Just know that it is okay and it will be okay. If your significant other balks at you having “me time” or they don’t understand, let them know that they too can have time for themselves. And be honest…if you feel that you have lost yourself because of work, school, kids, home or whatever…let them know.

Second, write out everything that you do during the day and typically what time you do it at. Here is an example for morning:


5:30 Wake Up

6:00 Get Ready for Work


7:00 Leave for Work


8:00 Check Email/Phone Messages

8:30 Meeting

9:00 Do Work


10:00 15 minute Break

10:30 Do Work



12:00 Lunch

This is called a default calendar. Once you do this for your whole day, from the time you wake up until the time you go to bed, you can then look at where you can find time for yourself. It could be getting up ½ hour earlier or taking 30 minutes for lunch instead of 60 minutes. Do this for each day of the week. This is especially great for stay-at-home moms and dads, because sometimes when you don’t think you have enough time in your day, you actually find that you do…but just might need to consolidate your free time.